INTERVIEW: Marla Mase Pays Tribute to Her Daughter & Celebrates Her Legacy with ‘The Lael Project’

“I used to picture happiness as a destination – an emerald city at the end of a long yellow brick road of suffering. But now I see that it’s here all around us, all the time…and we have to incessantly fight for it. For some of us, the fight is harder.” – Lael Summer

Mental health is something that we all struggle with – some more than others – and the festive period, in particular, can make such struggles even harder. Wanting to remind people that they’re not alone in how they feel and the hard times they’re going through (even if they feel like it), Marla Mase has just launched The Lael Project, inspired by and in tribute to her daughter, Lael.

Lael struggled with her own mental health, and wanted to help others with theirs. How she did this was through music; her passion for it, her incredible talent, and her stunning voice. She died by suicide in 2017, but her impact on the people she touched through her kindness, compassion and her music lives on.

“And to imagine that I am only one in 7 billion full, burdened spheres of human complexity…that is so much noise. I can’t begin to comprehend it. But I can feel it. In my heart, in the pit of my gut, in my blood and my bones. I just want to help one person.” – Lael Summer

Here, Marla shares with us some of Lael’s struggles and how she found comfort, solace and strength in and through music. She also reveals why she chose Adele’s “Hello” to be the first TLP release, teases upcoming singles and reflects on what she’d like the Project’s own legacy to be.

Hi Marla. You’ve just launched The Lael Project in memory of and in tribute to your daughter, Lael Summer. Can you share a little about the background of the initiative and how its creation came about?

The Lael Project is named after my daughter Lael Summer Feldman who died by suicide in 2017. It is a tribute to her music and her life, both as an artist, and even more importantly as someone who was devoted – because of her own struggles – to helping others who were struggling with depression, suicidal thoughts and other mental health challenges. Her goal was to ‘help just one person’.

I always knew I wanted more people to hear her music. She was an incredible singer and songwriter and she left behind this phenomenal body of work. It was her legacy. But I wasn’t ready. It was too painful, too raw. To be honest, that pain and rawness never goes away, but you learn to live with it, to accept it, to be ‘friends’ with it. It’s the price, as they say, of loving someone. But now, 7 years later, I am ready. To put her music out there and to carry on with her wish “to help just one person” and to join the growing community of people who are dedicated to breaking the silence, the stigma and shame around having depression, mental illness, and suicidal thoughts. This also includes helping the family members of those struggling and suicide loss survivors.

Truth is, I have never been silent about our story; in fact most of my artistic work is about it, but it has taken me 7 years to believe suicide may be preventable, that Lael had a shot – she was only 24 years old when she died – and that there are actions/concrete actions one can take to support and perhaps provide a glimpse of hope that may alter the course of another person’s life.

The musical component of The Lael Project will be an ongoing series of releases featuring both original songs and covers recorded by Lael. It’s comprised of re-mixes, never-before-released material, live recordings dating back to her pre-teen years and remastered versions of her two existing albums, Burden to Bear (2013) and Life in Color (2015).  You can find her work on all the usual streaming platforms.

Lael was also not silent about her struggles. Her songs spoke to her lifelong depression, her eating disorder, to the girls she met along the way in the many residential treatment centers she had been in, as well as the ‘usual’ ups and downs of being a 20 something; aka dating, break-ups, the yearning to find love and the obsession with cats. Hah. They span the gamut of emotions from sassy irreverent girl power anthems to soulful ballads seeking a respite from the pain she feels and sees all around her.

We believe by sharing her songs, her life story, our life story – mental illness is a family ‘disease’ – we hope it will give others the permission and the inspiration to share their own. To let them know they are not alone, that it’s ok to open up, to speak, that there is no shame or judgement in what they are experiencing, and that perhaps together we can pave a way towards healing.  I am a firm believer in the power of storytelling. It is a path, I am sure, out of the darkness.

Is there any particular reason behind your feeling now was the right time to reveal the project to the world, or has everything just come together at this time for it to feel right to/for you?

Well, as I said, it took me 7 years to believe Lael had a shot. You have to understand, Lael tried killing herself at least 2 times previously. Once in 2013 and again on Election Day 2016. She had suicide ideations since she was in the 3^rd grade. She had been in 5 hospitals/residential treatment centers for her depression and eating disorder between the ages of 11-15. The 5^th center in Utah saved her life. She agreed that it had. She spent 17 months there and left in 2009 when she was 17. I’m telling you all of this because Lael’s suicide did not come out of the blue. I knew that there was a possibility that my daughter might kill herself one day. She had many other ‘semi’ attempts throughout her teenage years. So, when she died, besides the absolute shock and devastation that accompanies a tragedy like this, I immediately went into acceptance. I’d say things like: “She just didn’t want to be here.” “The world was too harsh for her.” “At least she had agency over her death, not like other kids who loved their life and died in a car accident or from cancer.”

I thought about what she said to me after her “very bad” suicide attempt in 2016: “Mom, I’m a sick, sick girl. I know I have a great family, great friends, a fabulous life, but I can’t take the moods anymore. I can’t take being pushed down into the darkness, only to come out into the light again, knowing I’ll be pushed way, way down again. I can’t do it Mom. I just can’t do it.” Then a pause. “To be honest Mom, sometimes, I resent all of you for loving me, for making me stay.”

On paper she had it all – beauty, intelligence, talent, wonderful friends, a loving family, and yet she didn’t want to be here.  That’s depression.  That’s Major Depressive Disorder.

“I feel like I have a murderer living inside my brain.”

As I said before, it took me 7 years to realize that Lael’s suicide wasn’t a fait accompli, that she was only 24 years old, and that despite having struggled from a very young age, and being medication resistant, she also had a strong will to live; she did everything she could to recover – she had therapists, psychiatrists, tried many medications, she was a yogi and a yoga teacher, she was doing DBT, she was willing to go for help. Many people who suffer with mental illness are not willing to get help because one of the symptoms of the illness is not believing they have a problem (anosognosia), or they are scared of the stigma that comes along with a diagnosis – but Lael was doing all she could. However, because she was treatment resistant, she could not get rid herself of her depression and her suicidal thoughts and ideations. It was something that never left her.

Now I look at that day, July 26, 2017, as a slip — Lael had a slip that day…she had been on a shaky but promising track, and this particular attempt was triggered by an interaction she had with someone; it was an impulsive decision made out of hurt and anger. Was she still suicidal? Of course. I’m not going to pretend that all was fine – it was far from it – but that day, that specific suicide attempt was not planned.

Secondly, she had been very excited about her new private yoga practice, was looking forward to the prospect of teaching kids as well as adults, AND she had decided about a month earlier that she would start working on a new album. She had already worked on the initial demos for 2 new songs with her producer/co-writer, Tomás Doncker. They had recorded the bones of these 2 new songs on her iPhone.

I want to clarify something here – suicide is very mysterious. I’ve been in a lot of survivor groups and many people never even had a hint that their person was depressed, let alone suicidal. “My wife had just planned a trip.” “My brother just got a promotion.” “My husband was a glass half-full guy.” People who die by suicide often take very positive actions in the days just before – sometimes, it’s because they’ve already made the decision…and the weight of living has been lifted…I won’t get into all of this now, but I guess what I’m trying to say is that Lael had decided she wanted to release music again and she was ready to return to her muse – she had stopped for about 2 years because she didn’t think she could handle the pressure of being a ‘pop-artist’ with her raging depression/anxiety and an eating disorder.

Truth is, Lael needed to sing. It wasn’t that she just had a great voice and could write a fabulous song. It was absolutely an outlet for her, a way to ease the pain, a way to express all that she kept inside, a way to tell her story.

So, here we are; it is time to tell her story, and to make good on her wish “to help just one person.”

The first song the project is releasing is a cover Lael did of Adele’s smash hit “Hello.” When and where did she record that track and how have you prepared it to be shared with the world? What is it about this song and Lael’s performance of it that made you feel it was the right choice as a first single?

About a year after Lael graduated from USC’s prestigious Pop Music Program at The Thornton School of Music, she began to sing on this car-pool karaoke app. She already had two acclaimed albums out on True Groove Records, but as I just mentioned, she had made the difficult decision to take a break from the music business – but what she couldn’t do was take a break from singing.

It was during this time that she would secretly use the app and record herself singing her favorite songs. When she died, the owner of the app messaged me on FB and said, “I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Lael. I want you to know that she was our favorite singer. We love her and we will miss her. Here are all the videos that she recorded on our app. We thought you would want them.”

One of those videos was Hello. She recorded it on Oct 28, 2016. In her car. In Los Angeles. It was both heartbreaking and transcendent. Her voice, her beauty – the message. It sounded like it came straight from “the other side.” How could this have been recorded on her iPhone and not in a studio?  It didn’t seem possible, and yet that’s what happened; it was a testament to how great a singer she was. As Tomás Doncker, her producer, has always said, “When Lael sings, there’s blood on every note.”

We knew right away this had to be the first single of The Lael Project. It is an invocation of sorts by Lael via Adele’s lyrics to say, “Hey, I’m here. I’m ready to have a conversation, to make amends, but to also let you know that I haven’t left you. I’m watching over you as I promised I would and that you are all much closer to your deceased loved ones than you think.” Proof that the veil is really that thin. That’s the way I hear it.

Still, we couldn’t release the song as it was. Tomás and James Dellatacoma, her other producer/engineer, knew that, and thanks to the available technology and most importantly their genius, they extracted her vocals from the karaoke recording and built a sonically futuristic atmosphere around it that supports the delicate and extraordinary message conveyed in the song.

I have no doubt that Adele’s breath would be taken away if she heard Lael’s version. One of the great gifts of being an artist is when we discover that our work has truths and messages in it that we ourselves were unaware of when creating it. The work is always way bigger than the artist.

What do you want those who hear the song to take from it? What would you say the song reveals to listeners about who Lael was as an individual, a daughter, and an artist?

I think I pretty much answered this question above. We could have chosen to start with one of Lael’s original songs. She has many, but we didn’t. Why? Take a listen to the song, watch the video and I think you’ll get it. Seriously. I’d love to know what comes up for you and your readers.

The holidays are fast approaching, and such times can be and are hard for many around the world for a wide number of reasons. How do you hope sharing this project and this song might make them feel in some way better or encourage them to share their troubles with another person?

Yes, the holidays can be a very difficult time for many, particularly those with mental health challenges. Getting together with family, feeling like you have to be or at least appear to be ‘ok’ for them, being around food – very difficult with those with eating disorders, which often goes hand in hand with depression, anxiety, OCD, BPD, Schizophrenia, etc.- the expectation that in some way you have to ‘not be ill’, because you certainly don’t want to “upset anyone” – all these things can bring up a lot of shame, guilt, feeling like a burden – a very big red flag when it comes to being suicidal – and believing that everyone would be better off without them.

On the other side, it’s also tough on family members – who constantly worry, who are fearful, who walk on eggshells, afraid to say the wrong thing, who feel guilty, heartbroken, powerless and angry. The holidays are particularly hard on families who have lost a loved one. “The empty seat at the table” is very real and very palpable. It’s excruciating and lasts forever. We all need to be more gentle, more tolerant with each other and respect each other’s feelings and boundaries.

As far as the timing of the release of “Hello”, well, I didn’t plan it exactly with the intention of the holidays, and yet the day before Thanksgiving, I launched @TheLaelProject on Instagram/FB – I realized it’s time our story needs ‘to be shared’  — right now – – when the days are getting darker and the trifecta of Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year’s hits. “Hello”, I hope and believe, will pull people out of the silence and encourage open and honest conversations about depression, about suicide. After all, we are not hiding the fact that Lael died by suicide and that she struggled for much of her life. We want people to know; it’s important that people know.

Of course, we want people to be moved, the music speaks for itself, and Hello is not exactly a deep cut track, it’s one of Adele’s most beloved songs, everyone knows it, but we thought: ‘Yeah, they know it, but they don’t know it like this.’ With Lael singing it, the song becomes about something else completely. It is no longer a break-up song, it’s a break-through song. Lael is ‘calling from the other side’ she is saying, “Hello, it’s me.” “Let’s talk. Let’s talk about it. I’m here to have a conversation with you all.  Talk to me.” People might wonder, how could this be? This beautiful and talented young artist with the world ahead of her…gone (there are so many young people lost to suicide; it’s an epidemic) – yet another casualty of depression, of an eating disorder, of anxiety, of addiction, of our times – too many, there are way too many…we need to address it.

We hope it encourages people to both talk and to listen to each other – to rethink how to respond to those who are suffering, to understand that it is not ‘an act’, and that we should not negate or minimize their feelings, “She should be grateful for everything she has”, “There are so many others who have it far worse than you” and to understand that because he/she doesn’t look the part, doesn’t mean they are not the part.

I’m not saying anything that hasn’t been said before, but we need to hear it over and over and over. Suicide rates are rising. Anything that can raise empathy and kindness, lesson judgement and criticism, encourage those suffering to come out of their isolation and feel safe enough to share their truth, their story – is a huge step forward.

Can you say or tease anything about the songs you’re perhaps looking to share in the future? 

Well, get ready. There will be a lot of Lael songs coming your way in 2025. For those of you who already know her work from her first two albums, you will be excited to hear the re-imagined versions. The second single is an uplifting girl power anthem. Tomás and James really knocked it out of the park, and as they say, they sure had the best vocalist to do this with. Because they produced her other albums, they had the stems from all the recording sessions – even vocals that didn’t make it on to the other albums but have made it on to this one; let’s just say they had a lot to work with.

We will also be releasing the two songs I mentioned earlier that she wrote a few weeks before she passed. The technology is much more sophisticated than it was 7 years ago, so I guess on that level it was also meant to be now. Timing is in many ways an X factor. Like all of it. I do believe that most of what we do is out of our control. We do what we do, and then we let go.

The Lael Project is brand new but will undoubtedly make a huge difference to lives all over the world. With that in mind, where would you like to see the project be 5, 10 years from now? The project is a way of celebrating Lael’s legacy, but what do you want this project’s legacy to be? 

I’ve never been one to make 5 year or 10-year plans… life is too unpredictable, and I try as best as I can to live in the present. A minute at a time. That’s all I got.

Having said that, if we help one person, we’ve already accomplished what we set out to do. If we help two, we’re ahead of the game, and if we help more than that, well, then…let’s just be grateful and say thank you. It’s already bigger than us…way bigger than us.

This can’t be an easy topic for you to talk about so I just wanted to end by expressing my appreciation, and can I just say that, as someone who has lost a loved one to suicide, I think what you’re doing with The Lael Project is hugely important and inspiring, so thank you. 

Thank you for your kindness and for supporting The Lael Project.  It means the world to me…truly.